Coffee and Change

Mmmm...first sip of my morning coffee, hot and bitter, one of my favorite things in the world, and my second most favorite moment of each day. (The first is the moment right after I get in bed where I really nestle into my pillow with covers up to my neck, the comfort right before I go to sleep.) Back to the hot coffee, what better time to think about life and write my blog.

Tomorrow, my best friends move to Brazil.

I do not really have the words to express how I feel inside. I have purposely not allowed myself to dwell on it until this very moment to keep some of those feelings pushed down. When I look back over the past 10 years of my life, the most pain and loss I've had to deal with has all been related to change within my friends and groups of friends. And even many years later, I have not gotten over all that pain. And now, I feel my heart breaking again at the loss of good friends. However, not all of my past situations were good ones, and this time I know and see God's hand at the center guiding all that is happening around me.

I am so happy for the mission of Seeds Of Hope, and am working hard on this end to help that school get up & running. I can't wait for those orphans and street kids to get in there, on the very floors I've helped pour, walls I've painted. And I know how crucial it is for my dear ones to be there for every minute of that mission. But that's where it is a loss for us, a loss of our time together, sharing the daily ins & outs of life as we have for the past 11 years. I cannot express the depth of the mix of sadness and joy I feel as I prepare to say goodbye. What I know is that the LOVE that you can have for people if you understand that love is of and is GOD, and is thus beyond our human comprehension, is the love I share with my friends, Roberto & Rachel. And our friendship is beyond physical boundaries like oceans and countries.

In the end, reflecting on all the change of the past 10 years, I know that change is necessary and good, painful and difficult. And I know that change will continue to the be one friend that will never leave me, in fact he hounds me. (I try to get him to leave, but alas, he sticks around). And ultimately, change has made my life better, stronger and interesting. And while I don't want to say I welcome the future pain & struggle that will come from change, I know that I must, and that I will get through and will reflect when it's all over about God's amazing guidance of my life.